Lifting Language
The power of language is immense. How we use it impacts almost every aspect of our lives.
It has the potential to create and transform, or harms or limits us.
We tend to use words unconsciously from habits, patterns and stories engrained in us, usually given to us from other people or from social constructs and positions of privilege, often unaware of the impact they have on yourself and others.
We often use words that limit us or are loaded in bias, unconsciously and in many of our conditioning see it as ‘normal’. What we’re unaware of is it is limiting us and in some cases is causing harm to others.
Belief + Language + Actions = Results
The words we choose to use often gives us clues into our programming and indeed our beliefs. Our programming (habits/patterns/reactions) are born from our beliefs & stories, our beliefs impact our language, our language then impact our actions, our actions then impact our results (what influence we have and what we get back from the world).
We know that words create energy and this energy can move us or keep us stuck, limit us or lift us up. You can dramatically change your output and results, by simply shifting the words you use from limiting to lifting. If you listen to yourself speak, you’ll start to notice patterns - these will be your clues into what you’re thinking about and feeling in those moments. As you change the words, you’ll in turn change your thoughts, your results and also in time your beliefs will shift and these new words become your new habitual language.
Check My Language
I tend to use negative words when talking about myself or others (either out loud to others or in my head to myself) ‘Should, can’t, not good enough, not smart enough’ etc.
I tend to focus on the problem and spend a lot of time talking about how bad things are and what’s not working or what’s wrong
I tend to tell other people how I think they should do things ‘don’t do that, you should do it this way, that’s not right, you can’t do that’
I use these words often in my language - Can’t, Don’t, Should, But, Try, Why?
I find myself repeating the same situations with myself and others, even when I’ve talked about what should be different.
If you have answered yes, to any of the above, you have been using LIMITING language and it’s likely keeping you stuck in a negative reaction and results.
Shift to LIFTING language.
Use words that are neutral or positive when talking about myself or others ‘can, could, I’m good enough, I’m learning, I get to choose’
Focus on solutions - identifying what can work, what could be done, what possibilities are there, there is always a way.
Focus on what is working rather than what isn’t
Remember people do things differently so ask questions when supporting and talking with others: ‘what would work for you?, how else could you do it, I have a thought that could help if you’d like? what else do you need? What do you need in this moment - an ear or advice?
Use these words often in my language: Can, Do, Will, Could, And, What, How?
Adapt your language in each situation and with each person depending on what is needed.
This shift will create radically different results for you in your relationships and in what you manifest and invite into your world.
Biased, Oppressive Language and micro-aggressions.
Another way to use limiting language is through language that is biased, offensive and words that are rooted in oppression or micro-aggressions. This not only harms the person you’re talking to and in some cases, re-creates traumatic experiences, it hurts your own brand and perception. Biased language and micro-aggressions makes unnecessary distinctions about gender, race, age, economic class, sexual orientation, religion, politics, or any other personal information that's not necessary to be used.
The more culturally rich and diverse, the more opportunity for this type of limiting language to be surfaced, yet equally the more conscious people become - learning from mistakes and being open to understand how certain words impact others, even if you were unaware before. This type of cultural competence cannot be underestimated. The power in using language that is consciously inclusive is not only empowering, it also creates healing through compassion and psychological safety.
But what if I don’t know? That’s okay. It’s okay to not know at first, and we learn through getting things wrong. You will know if you’ve said something offensive, loaded in bias or oppressive as a) the person on the receiving end will tell you or b) you’ll notice a shift in the person’s body language and actions - they may withdraw, get defensive, shut down, pull away - these are signs, something you said has caused offense. In that moment, notice and ask. I noticed you’ve shifted your energy, I’m wondering if I said something that triggered that? Please know you can tell me if I’ve said something to make you uncomfortable.
Whilst it may not be your intention to hurt someone, sometimes our choice of words does. Getting defensive when someone lets you know your choice of language and words hurt or was a micro-aggression, is not helpful. Even if you didn’t realize, or that wasn’t your intent, or you don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, does not matter. If it’s hurt someone else, it’s not okay. Stop. Take on board the feedback, apologize. Now you know better, do better.
Have you ever said…
‘Guys’ to address a group of women and men or just men - shift this to folks, everyone, hey all
Mankind to describe all of humanity this is dehumanizing to people who aren’t men. Say instead, humankind.
Crazy - to describe someone ‘she/he’s/they’re crazy’- shift to behaving irrationally.
This linguistic erasure of women and femininity has long been critized by people concerned about the ways that everyday language further marginalizes Black, Indigenous and Women of Color. A recent study concluding that using gender-neutral language reduces gender biases.
Other words that are examples of language micro-aggressions:
Aggressive - to describe someone who is being direct (typically used with women and Black women)
Ghetto to describe a place/person/thing
This by no means is an exhaustive list, and words may be added as we learn more around the origin of words that are rooted in oppression or harm.
